Saturday, July 02, 2005


I woke up this morning with a headache.

What are the deepest thoughts you've ever had? Do you know what that question means?


There is something about the female human body that is so mundane yet fascinating at the same time. When she operates just as nature intended it is mundane. When something short circuits or just doesn't seem to work at all the female body becomes fascinating.

The say, "All tests are normal. You are fine. It is unexplainable."

If I was 'normal and fine' why is something 'unexplainable'?

Yesterday I wandered around a mall for a short time... Everyone there seemed to be with child. Either inside of her or hanging from her hip. How? How does it happen that so many can command their bodies to function to the point of creating life? To you this seems mundane because they are functioning normally.

Why can't I function as the rest of them? Pathetic. I can't even bleed monthly. I feel all twisted up inside. So much life remains there yet I cannot bring it forward or pass it on to the next generation. Why? Why are so many chosen for this task? What qualifies a woman to be denied the ability to create?

It makes me question who I am... What constitutes being a woman? Where is the separation between man and woman? The defining difference is that women can bring forth life...if I cannot perform this function, am I indeed a woman?


My dream....

Only in my dream....

Friday, July 01, 2005

Best Laid Plans

He always does this.
Anticipate that we will go here to point B and plan on that.
Then...he changes and says we will go to point C.
Is it any wonder I am lost???
I just want to go...anywhere...away from here...the chains -- they bind.

Cusp of a 4 day weekend

You know that feeling you get? The one on Friday? The anticipation practically begins Thursday night. You know that the following morning is Friday. The day the week ends. It opens up a weekend. Possibilities seem endless. Especially on the cusp of a 4 day weekend. Count 'em...1, 2, 3, 4, days...Saturday...Sunday...Monday...Tuesday. Return to work on hump day. I allow the excitement to build....and then before I know it....Tuesday night will be here....and my feeling of immense joy will be pushed out of my psyche and replaced with dread....The dread of Hump Day.

First Entry

I'm not really sure what I am doing....

Never thought I'd be a 'blogger'.

I'm looking for someone...I am lost...he can help me find my way.